definitely an all time favorite

06Aug10

I may dedicate this blog to In-Laws with Narcissistic Personality Disorder and how it can disrupt and destroy families. The blog is getting hits from people looking for information regarding what I’m posting. It’s helping me with my own anxiety around it as well.

This is a letter from the second sister to her 38 year old brother. This email could land her in therapy for at least 10 years.  Her stand is that I must speak to her mother.  She even insists that I should fake it. In another email she said to me, “you are required to speak to my mother”. She also said, “because you married my brother, it is now your job to make nice with Mom, NO EXCUSES”. (exact quotes) Keep in mind, this is a grown woman speaking to another grown woman.

As I’m reading this email again, I have a smile on my face because it is just so unbelievable. The attempts at guilt and shaming is just unbelievably dysfunctional. You all must also understand that I cut off communication with the woman after speaking to her for months. She was insulting, controlling and just so abusive and intrusive. This is not the average strained mother-in-law situation. It isn’t workable – at all.

Narcissists cannot handle rejection or being ignored.  They have zero empathy and couldn’t care less how they make people feel as long as they get what they want. The respect that is mentioned in the email over and over means one thing – that I must submit and fall in line and do what their mother needs me to do to make her feel better about herself. What makes her feel better about herself is control. A narcissist feeds off of having power over other people. Especially her only sons wife.

His sister actually believes that my husband should “be a man” and make me speak to his abusive, insulting, intrusive mother. That he needs to “get his bitch in line”. I suppose they’d be ok if he beat me until I spoke to her? I mean what exactly do they think he can “do” to me?

The bottom line is that his sisters are emotionally crippled, babbling, child-like adult children of an alcoholic. And this email makes little to zero sense.

G

I am so disappointed in you right now.  I know for sure that I have never in my entire life been so disappointed, disgusted and absolutely angry with you.  Why haven’t you shared any good things about Mom with V?  Why does she only see the negatives?  Why haven’t you insisted that even if she doesn’t like your Mother she is still your Mother and she should at least fake it with her. We may not always get to choose who is in our family but we MUST always be respectful.  Especially of your Mother. Would you ever treat her Mother like she is treating your Mother?  She is ignoring Mom and Mom feels it.  You both have made your Mother cry and I totally blame you here. Man Up! Make a stand here. You are the man of this new family and your Mother is in your life whether you like it or not.  I’m not going to be the one to tell your Mother that your new wife doesn’t want her included in her life, in your life and not in the life of her new Grand daughter. This is disgusting. You can continue to be rude to your Mother, treat her unfairly or you can make a stand and insist that your wife treat your Mother with respect. They don’t have to be best friends but Jesus Christ, G, this is out of control. You have made your Mother cry and now today you have made me cry. I will not tolerate this total lack of respect for my Mother and you shouldn’t either. I love you very much but I am so angry with you right now I can hardly see through my tears.  I want to be included in your life and I want you included in mine but not at the expense of my Mother.  I love her very much and I’m hoping you can share some positive thoughts about Mom with your wife and hopefully she will at least give her a chance and treat her with the respect that every Mother has earned just by giving birth to our sorry asses.

Be the man I’ve always thought you were!

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2 Responses to “definitely an all time favorite”

  1. i hate the notion that you have to give into someones wishes and “respect” someone just because they gave birth to you (or your spouse.) im a firm believer that these are things that should be earned. my mother in law is big on taking this argument too, even saying that i should respect her as my “elder.” ELDER! im a 33 year old woman. ive long since stopped feeling like i have to respect people just because they are older than me.

  2. Well, my favorite part is how they blow it so out of proportion. The only thing I do is not speak to her mother!! So she says, “Jesus Christ, this is so out of control!” It’s out of control because her mother is breaking out in hives because I will not come to the phone. It is out of control because her mother is out of control. They are drama queens to the tenth power!

    And yes, the demand for “respect” is comical.

    “Elder” … too much! 🙂


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