marrying so close to crazy II

04Aug10

We’ve had more unbelievable drama with his family. I finally had to write a no contact statement to his mother. Her obsession with controlling me and her son is sick. His family is incredibly dysfunctional and abusive. I will never speak to any of them again.

They are emotional slobs. Dumping their shit anywhere and on anybody without a second thought. Without thinking about how it will affect other people’s lives. The emails I rec’d from them are a psychologist’s wet dream. They could write essays about the way his mother thinks and lives and sucks off of other people emotionally and financially. His mother is repulsive.

Here is just a quick sample. After we rec’d hundreds of calls from his mother his sisters got involved. Told us she was crying every day, convinced I was out to get her and that she believed her son was in “trouble”. (these are exact quotes) Keep in mind his mother was calling, on average, every other day. Sometimes it was more than once a day. She was talking to her son EVERY SINGLE time she called! If he missed a call he would call her right back. Her behavior became increasingly bizarre. When she had him on the phone, she only wanted to talk about me, my family and what I did that day. Nothing about her son. She was doing this to gather information like a good little narcissist. He became vague about me at which time she started having “spells” and became obsessed with my life and very very angry that I would no longer get on the phone with her. Spells – panic attacks, nervous stuttering, hives, hysterical crying. Because she was losing control of her 38 year old adult son … because she couldn’t control me.

After a year of this bullshit, I’d had it, so wrote the following email:

D

Please consider my point of view: Your mother does not respect boundaries, and the drama that ensues within her family because of her selfish and disrespectful behavior is ridiculous. This is ridiculous. I wish someone would tell your mother that everything is not about her. My email was not directed solely at you, it was meant to deflect some of your mothers invasive ways and try to arrange a meeting on my own terms – where we could meet, have lunch, and go home. I really don’t want to spend a week with your mother – sorry! Not after some of the conversations that we’ve had, she wants to gossip about all her family members as a hobby, I do not. These are not conversations I wish to be involved in because they make me feel terribly uncomfortable. I’m not accustomed to being backed into a corner, made to feel that I have to speak to someone so judgmental, negative, gossipy and insulting several times a week while my husband is at work. Yes, she has called the house several times a week to speak to me while G was at work. I “do not go to the phone” because it’s odd to regularly be asked to come to the phone. …I want to enjoy life with George and our baby on the way.

To quote you (from memory) “my mother is so full of shit. No wonder I don’t tell her anything. I can’t believe she is telling you things about my sister’s life”. The key here is, “NO WONDER I DON’T TELL HER ANYTHING”. D, why dance around the truth – it’s your mother!!! Another quote from you, “now you know what it feels like to be stalked and to have no private life, but it’s best if your wife just talks to her”. I am newly married and pregnant for the first time, so perhaps it would be best for her to give me some breathing room and some space. It’s not ok for her to throw a tantrum because we will not answer all of her questions – then call her daughters and get them involved. Did you take into consideration that maybe I’ve never had to deal with a sober alcoholic who has chosen to act out constantly in lieu of working a recovery program? Which, of course, is none of my business, unless she’s the grandmother of my child and expects to be a part of our life.

I’ve chosen to be private about my life when it comes to your mother – because of your mother. And, I don’t like to air out my “M issues” with you, but I suppose she has your ear.

Your mother is making it impossible to have a relationship with either of you.

You are not losing G. Why can’t you guys just call him and say hello? Why have you only called him when your mom complains about not getting enough attention? There is nothing going on here, trust me. We are really happy and experiencing the best time of our lives. I’m sorry if that is not juicy enough gossip and drama. I’m sorry if my emails about how happy we are are with updates about the pregnancy are not enough. I’m really sorry any attempts at avoiding drama have only caused drama. Just to let you know …. your mother will make drama out of ANYTHING. If it wasn’t because I have not met her yet, it would only be something else.

Honestly, all I’ve wanted since I got pregnant from your mother is to be left alone. Demanding my attention by, as you say, “stalking” me and acting like an insecure child has left me stressed and disappointed more days than I’d like to admit. I do have compassion for her as she is my daughter’s grandmother and I have thought so much about this over the last several months (instead of thoroughly enjoying being a newlywed and new mom). I can only take on so much at one time. G and I live a very quiet and private life and we’re trying to figure out how to deal with his mother together and trying to figure out how to incorporate her into the baby’s life in a way that is best for the little one and drama free. At this point, I’m not convinced it’s possible.

To which the loser replied:

G – WITH GREAT DIFFICULTY I AM HOLDING MY TONGUE AND NOT RESPONDING TO YOUR WIFE’S HATEFUL, VILE EMAILS. YOU BETTER GET HER OFF THAT COMPUTER THOUGH OR I’M COMING TO MOTHER FUCKING SOUTH CAROLINA AND PUTTING AN END TO THIS SHIT IN PERSON. AM I MAKING MYSELF CLEAR. CONTROL YOUR BITCH, NOW!!!!!!!!!!

Yes, this is a true story, people. Meet the fucking crazies. I will post more of their ridiculous emails later. The dysfunction and ignorance is entertaining to all of my friends and family. I suppose I would think it was too, if it weren’t my life.

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6 Responses to “marrying so close to crazy II”

  1. oh my god. everytime you write about them im in shock because they are so much like my in laws. when jay and i first got married she’d call all the time and i wouldnt answer the phone. i wasnt really trying to be rude, but i just dont have anything to talk about with her. even then i knew we wouldnt be friends. of course all i heard was “how come tammie never answers the phone?”

    the last time i had any communication with my MIL was right before the last presidential election. she kept sending out all these bullshit emails about obama, like how he was born in nigeria, etc….we were getting them constantly. so finally i sent her an email asking her to please stop sending us such hateful emails. she blew up and sent me an exclamation mark filled email telling me how i was such an awful person, blah, blah, blah.

    we hardly ever talk to her now and of course she sits around complaining about how her son hates her and doesnt want to see her. ugh.

    jay and i just want a drama free life, but his whole family feeds off the drama. they love it. it gives them something to do.

    (my own family is crazy too but there arent as many of them so its not as bad. crazy is worse when its in large numbers.)

  2. I’m so glad you still check in over here! It’s crazy isn’t it? Does it still bother you after 13 years? I’m hoping that it will die down. Especially after we move. I don’t like thinking about it. Because of G’s nature, it actually bothers me more. He’s very proud of his duck-like qualities. I think he’s just super tolerant of his mother because he’s had to deal with her his entire life. Me, not so much.

    And, stay tuned because I’m posting more of their insane emails. When I read them I was shocked. I can’t believe there are people so blind and ignorant .. and dysfunctional … and dramatic .. and … and… **sigh**

  3. jay handles it the same way g does. like “thats just my mom being my mom.” not really making excuses for her (hes fully aware shes a wack job) but just knowing thats how she is.

    its still hard, but less hard now that we live so far away. im still much happier when she is only a very small part of our lives although i try not to come right out and say that to jay.
    for instance, he hadnt talked to her in about two years and started to feel guilty about it so he called her a few months ago. now shes all nice and complimentary, which is her usual routine. the first few calls are always nice, but then out of the blue she’ll get all psychotic and start bringing up weird junk, trying to get jay to feel sorry for her, etc. i just warned jay to be careful.

    she reads my blog too. how she found out about it: i have a link to it on my facebook but everything about my facebook is set to private/friends only, i even went so far as to block my MIL’s email address specifically, so if she tried to search me, my profile wouldnt even come up. anyway, she routinely logs into JAYS 45 year old SISTERS facebook page and saw my profile there. i was so mad….not only at jays mom but jays sister too for even giving her mom access to that sort of thing knowing how she is. i never said anything to jays sister about it but i feel sorta like she took liberties with my personal info that i trusted her with. i mean, i know its a blog, its on the internet, so it isnt a secret….but still, ya know?

  4. Oh my gosh. g’s mother stalked my facebook page. Everything I entered on my profile sent her reeling. Like, “I’m going to FL to visit my family” She would then compulsively call her son asking where I was going and how often I visited my own mother. She would be hyperventilating and asking tons of personal questions about me. She would be in a complete panic. Needless to say I had to block her and her entire family not long after we were married. Which, of course, pissed them all off. And, of course, they blew it out of proportion. “HOW COULD SHE DO SUCH A THING!!”” Blah blah …. The sense of entitlement regarding my personal life is disturbing. They demand that turn my life and my will over to their mother. And his mother is such a loser. I will never understand who exactly she thinks she is.

    G wanted to give her my blog info for the baby. I told him he must have been sniffing glue that day to even ask me. So, we made a whole other blog for her with pics of the baby. She couldn’t handle it. I would post pictures and, again, she called hyperventilating asking “how can we be so happy” … Needless to say, I took that blog down. It’s best if she has no access to me at all. She has to learn how to separate me from her son. To leave me alone altogether and focus on her son and his new daughter ONLY.

    I am really sorry she has the address for the blog. Hopefully, it doesn’t affect your writing! I certainly can’t tell if it has. G’s mother would hit that other blog a hundred times a day sometimes. She is so obsessed.

  5. i dont think it will affect my writing too much. there have been a few times ive wanted to bitch about her on the blog, but only once or twice. and honestly, thats the kid of attention she likes anyway so i dont know if id fall into that trap.

  6. also, according to my stat counter, some days my MIL spends hours on my blog. CRAZY…… sometimes i just want to tell her to get a life!


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