32 weeks


I haven’t posted about the baby in awhile. I started this blog pretty early in my pregnancy, when I was ambivalent, scared, depressed and freaked out about it. I felt weird and guilty about blogging about her after all the horrible feelings I had about being pregnant. After my first 3-D ultrasound, at 11 weeks, I felt so much better. I bonded with the baby at that time, but my struggle was far from over. The first four months were the most difficult of my life, I think. Even though I’ve been through a lot over the years, the feelings I experienced during the transition were unbelievable at times. The worst of it was not knowing if the feelings would pass. By 18 weeks and our final ultrasound, we found out she was a girl and I was in love. I have tears in my eyes as I type this.

Right at about six and a half months, things started shifting. The worst of the depression lifted and I started to feel a sense of purpose. She was coming and it started to become real. The three and a half months we had left before she got here seemed to magically unfold in front of me. I felt more organized, if there is such a thing as being “emotionally organized”. Overall, after the first trimester and my nuttiness, I’ve enjoyed being pregnant. A huge surprise to me!

It makes me cringe to think of the time I’ve wasted sitting here. I could have learned another language during these past months. Now, I have so much to do! Cleaning, laundry and organizing her stuff. I’ve done a pretty good job collecting gear. We have only a few more things to purchase.

As far as laboring and delivering this little coconut, I’m going to try for a natural water birth. However, I’m not against pain meds if I’m 5cm and 17 hours in, know what I mean? I’m with a midwifery within a hospital and we are going to go with as little intervention as possible. That’s the only “birth plan” I’ve come up with. I won’t dare get my hopes up for anything too specific as I know anything could happen. I am, however, fully committed to breastfeeding. Since preparing myself for the worst has worked well for me over this past year, I am preparing for breastfeeding to run my life for months. There will be no, “oh, I tried it and it just didn’t work out”. Unless my body doesn’t produce milk, Baby has two options, my left boob or my right. This is my choice and I would never judge any one else and their decisions. As with natural childbirth vs. pain meds, it’s really about what works best for Mama and her baby.

Here are the ultrasound pics that were taken at 18 weeks.


One Response to “32 weeks”

  1. im so so happy that you’re at a good place with all this. when you didnt blog for a while, i thought about you a lot.

    i delivered both my kids naturally and its something im really really proud of. but, both of my labors/deliveries lasted less then five hours from start to finish, so i dont really feel like an expert on this topic.

    i love the picture above where its pointing between babes legs and reads “Im a girl.” my ob/gyn referred to that as the “hamburger spot.” beats me. i guess it looks like a hamburger to them. weird gyno humor i guess. ha.

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