30Oct09

Oh my God! My body must be producing zero serotonin. I have days when something great happens and I actually feel as though I’m in a moderately positive mood- but then, there it goes, sliding right through my fingers. It’s so frustrating. I feel like there are hundred pound weights strapped all over my body. When I’m depressed I am perpetually uncomfortable with who I am.

This is the third genuine depression I’ve experienced. This episode is going on 4 years. It’s the longest one. The last two were only 18 and 24 months. There have been many different things that have happened prior to and during my depressions but, hands down, the one common denominator is unemployment. I really, really want this to end and I’ve exhausted myself trying to get out. I have no idea what’s going to make my brain work right again this time.

I’m praying that when I have the baby it will be my new, most amazingly favorite job ever. It hasn’t been this way for any of my friends, which has resulted in them eventually returning to work. I didn’t plan on feeling this way. I believed with all my heart that my depression was due to being childless. I wanted to devote my entire life to being a stay at home mother and doing the best I can to give one or two babies an an incredible life.
nghtbrntt

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2 Responses to “”

  1. i dont really have anything to say so i’ll just smile. hang in there and ask for help if you need it. 🙂

  2. Thanks for the smile Tammie, it really does help! I’m going out of town to see my family next week so it should really help! Hopefully, I will be posting about some sort of beginning sewing with my mom!


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