googling “pregnancy and ambivalence”

26Oct09

For this post, I also Googled Images for, “preachers with big hair”.

I have many new movies to watch. I can’t seem to stick with a film longer than 10 minutes before starting a new one. I feel as though I’m going to claw my way right out of my own skin or hurl myself out of one of our second floor windows. Leaving the house makes it worse. Yesterday we ventured out for brunch (which doesn’t exist here, we went to Cracker Barrel) and after eating enough breakfast to feed four people, I saw an evangelist with Elvis hair wearing a polyester blue suit in the parking lot, and it depressed me for the rest of the day. I’m considering traveling to CA on Wednesday. My leaving is not going over well with g, which, if possible, stresses me out more.

Here is a link to an article I found when I googled “pregnancy and ambivalence”-  it’s a good one, I think. I emailed it to g and he replied, “I can relate Simon D’Arcy.”    Whatever.

Women often experience a range of emotions during pregnancy, even if they and their partners are excited about the baby and planned it from the get-go. They might have mood swings. They might be worried about their babies’ health, uncertain about the changes in their bodies, their relationships, their abilities to be mothers — the list goes on and on.

Motherhood is such a permanent transformation. I don’t know any life event so permanent and transforming that wouldn’t come with some anxiety, worry, regret, ambivalence or wondering. It’s the nature of the beast, the enormity of the journey you’re on.

Unfortunately, these less-than-glowing feelings are also among life’s best-kept secrets. They don’t dare voice their ambivalence or wonderings, because people would just say, ‘You should just be grateful you’re pregnant. Everyone thinks on some level that they’re not supposed to feel these things, and if they do, something must be wrong with them.

You look in the baby magazines, and there’s the picture of the woman who’s beautiful and happy and she’s setting up this incredibly expensive nursery. … We look at all of that and wonder why we don’t fit in,” says Jennifer Louden, author of “The Pregnant Woman’s Comfort Book.”

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