Question:
How can I deal with a passive aggressive mother in law? So far I haven’t stood up to her, but I am so close. She has overstepped her boundaries in so many ways. My husband has confronted her about her behavior but she continues to make snide comments every time we see her or by email, and when she does it , it is always with a smile. She has not only done this to me, but to my parents as well. I know she has never approved of the both of us marrying so soon after 9 months (We are over age 35yrs old and adults mind u).
My husband and I now have a one yr old together and my husband has a 6yr old from his previous relationship who visits from time to time. My mother in law shows favouritism towards the 6 yr old every time she comes to see us. Actually, she shows favouritism towards her son as well. He can do no wrong nor his other daughter. Recently she has even told my husband that the 6yr old is her favorite. My husband and I are moving to California, and when she asked about it, she didn’t show any support nor acknowledged that she is happy for us. We have had a horrible year financially, lost two homes, my job, my husband was injured at work. She knows all of it and instead she said nothing to support our decision to move. She is a strange woman but its her snide comments that gets me and her judgment. I want to set her straight and want her to know, she is out of line with her comments. My husband has two other brothers who’s wives have had problems with her as well. It has really affected our relationship at times. I’ve gotten to the point I can’t stand her and I hate to say that. I have been married before and had had a wonderful mother in law with no issues. But my current mother in law is a strange bird and makes my skin crawl when she is around. I have never met anyone like her. Usually my husband supports me , but recently he said, that I have to let go of my EGO. This floored me and now I’m more upset than ever. I know she will always be my husband’s mother, but how can I be supported by my husband and have her know he and I are a family now?
Answer:
I’m not sure about this being your ego problem, but I think it’s safe to say that you are not going to find peace in this matter if that depends on your mother-in–law changing to fit your expectations. She is who she is, and that is not likely to change. Moreover, you have no control over her anyway. What you do have a choice over is how you respond to her behavior. It’s up to you to find a way to maintain a sense of balance and inner harmony regardless of what she says or does.
As you and your husband are facing the challenges of creating a family while you are dealing with financial hardships, it’s natural enough to look for support from family, but if it isn’t given, then don’t worry about it and move ahead. The same applies to your mother-in-law’s snide comments and her favoritism to the 6 year-old. These are her limitations, and it does you no good to make yourself miserable over her social deficiencies.
Get on the same page with your husband and together explain to her in as nice a way as possible that her destructive and divisive action is felt and noticed for what it is. And that as long as she continues with it and pretends otherwise, then she should understand that as a mother you will naturally need to protect your family from this as much as possible. Tell her you are not asking her to change, she can do and say what she wants, but that your responsibilities are to your family and if she insists on undermining your relationships, then the consequences are that her influence will have to be minimized.
At the same time you are explaining in these simple terms where things stand, also give her a supportive option. Let her know what kind of a positive influence you would like her to have in your family. Offer her a vision of what it would look like for her to be a welcome family member. Finally, ask her to consider if this kind of a relationship with all of you wouldn’t actually be more enjoyable and rewarding for her personally than her present relationship as well. If she is receptive to finding an honest way forward with all of this, then ask her how you and your husband can help her in getting there.
Love,
Deepak

You know those red flags you look out for when first dating? G told me he stopped working on his relationship with his ex after an intense altercation she’d had with his mother. His exact words were, “my ex said ‘vile and hateful’ things to me, but when she said these things about my mother, I stopped participating in the marriage.” After four long years of no longer loving her because she’d been “vile and hateful” to his mother, she finally left him. He recently told me he had been wrong for allowing his mother to treat his ex wife so badly. He had also told me his sister would “speak her mind” and tell B off as well. Looking back at those early conversations, I am horrified. He said B had been “vile and hateful”, his sister called my well-measured emails “vile and hateful”.

G and his family love the words “vile and hateful”. The dramatic sound of it.

Admittedly, in the beginning, I also blamed his ex. After all, how could any mother or siblings be that difficult? It couldn’t be that bad, right? I had no idea what I was getting myself into.

Hi Victoria

First of all CONGRATS!! I heard you guys are pregnant. I think he needed that in his life. We had been drifting apart for a while. You are a very lucky woman, he is the best guy I have ever spent time with and I wish the two of you all the best.

Anyway, the mother and the sisters are a big part of our breaking up. He did not see it or just ignored it… not really sure. His mother? I saw her name on the caller ID and ran! Same with his sisters. I literally felt as though I was having a nervous breakdown at one point when she was visiting. I was shaking uncontrollably and crying for at least an hour after she said she was going to stay another whole week, I lost it. The chain smoking, the condescending smiles from her and her daughters, G thought I was the crazy one. D is pure evil that’s all there is to that. I feel sorry for you hun. I was sooooo happy when I knew I would never have to see them again even if it meant my marriage and leaving a beautiful home I worked very hard on, that’s how bad it was for me. Wow, I can’t believe D threatened to drive there and “take care of you” when you were 71/2 months pregnant….. she never went that far with me. All I have to say is good luck to you. It’s never going to change. Feel free to email and vent anytime you want. I had no one when I was in your shoes. No one believed me when I said it was THAT bad.

Sincerely,
B

Another favorite email from an emotionally crippled individual whom is stuck at around 7 years old:
G,

I’m sad that my children and I will never have a relationship with your child and future children. I truly hope that you are happy and never realize that your current wife is way CRAZIER than your ex ever thought of being. At least with her you knew what you were getting. With V she is deadly. She continues to bash my Mother. I say my Mother because clearly you have no feelings for her. I am shocked that you are so blind, but I guess I shouldn’t be. It makes me sad to know that I’ve lost any kind of relationship with you, and not because of Mom, or anything she did, but because your wife doesn’t want to share. She is not welcome in my home, not welcome to speak to or ever see me or my children, ever. You are still welcome and I will always love you and Sophie but I am completely done with your wife. Do not speak of her to me, she is dead. I love you and hope like hell that witch doesn’t completely destroy you. I will always be here for you if you need me…that’s what family does.

So I came across this pic somewhere on the Internet and it made me smile.

HONESTLY??!! Not because of anything my mommy did, but because your wife doesn’t want to share you with us???!!!! Holy shit.

Anyway, the ignorance floors me. And let me just say, my husband has had very little contact with her children over the years. Her comment about his children being close with her children is an attempt to guilt him, period. It’s bullshit. Another attempt at guilt: you don’t love our mother. But, this is what happens when you have an over bearing, severe alcoholic mother. She has taught her daughters from birth to eat out of the palm of her hand. She has “spells” .. she hyperventilates, stutters and all kinds of things. (Histrionic Personality Disorder) When she calls her poor daughters crying and stuttering, they will do anything she requests. Even if it means a full on attack on another sibling. And, of course, I love the “the witch is going to destroy you” and “you only love her and think you are happy because you are too blind to see what a horrible person she is” — please keep in mind this is ALL because I would not speak to their mother several times a week. Because I did not want to be “friends” with a terribly abusive and alcoholic woman. All because I would not turn my life and my will over to a controlling and Narcissistic freak.

The best part of this is the lunch with his sisters. Within five minutes they laid in to G and told him that I have to accept their mother in my life. They told him, “neither of our significant others want to speak to her but they do it because they have to. Yes, Mom is annoying and yes she’s crazy, but we ALL have to answer the phone and come to the phone when she calls. Who does V think she is that she doesn’t have to speak to her??!!” This is a direct quote. One of them stomped out of lunch and sat in her car (like a big girl) after yelling “oh, Mom’s biggest offense is giving V presents!!??” The other sister cried the entire time and then abruptly threw baby gifts at him before driving off.

This is while my baby daughter (their “niece”) is sitting right next to them. We all live three states apart (thank God) and this was their only opportunity to meet her. This is how they spent their time visiting with their brother and his new daughter – yelling and crying because I will not allow their mother to invade my life, insult me and cause family meltdowns and enormous amounts of drama.

Yes, another true story.

M

I assure the three of you that this will be my final letter to you all. This will absolutely be the last time I explain myself. Hopefully, more appropriately than earlier this week.

Last year G and I married. I tried to have a relationship with you, but I realized after several months of speaking to you that I wanted very little to no communication. The reason for this has been explained to you many, many times.

Your unwanted attention continued for months. Your constant anger and insults were terrorizing and anxiety producing for both G and myself. Your behavior disrupted our wedding day, honeymoon, holidays, and my entire pregnancy, etc., etc., etc. G has already detailed this information in an email to his sisters. Then, finally, in march, you apologized.

Since your apology in march:

The baby was born. You didn’t send anything for our daughter, not even a card. This is absolutely fine with me, however, on Mother’s Day you sent me a card and called. Your son answered the phone and started speaking proudly about his daughter. You cut him off abrasively and demanded to know if I received your card. He was taken aback and hesitated and then said, “I’m not sure”. He attempted to speak of his daughter again, but again you abruptly cut him off and demanded, “what do you mean you don’t know?” Feeling uncomfortable, he said “I think I saw the card, yes”. You then said a few more things and then the phone call ended. I don’t want to ever see the same look on his face that I saw after he hung up the phone that day.

Still we invited you into our home to meet our baby. Still not a card or anything was offered to our daughter. Again, though I thought this was a bit unusual after the “Mother’s Day card”, it was completely fine with me. However, my birthday comes and you send ME a gift and call within 10 minutes of its arrival. “Did you get it!!?” We didn’t even have a chance to see the box let alone know what it was or who it was from. So you demanded G call you back as soon as we opened it. He didn’t call you back that night, but called you two days later. You were, once again, angry and didn’t call him back for over a week. You were angry with me that I didn’t acknowledge your “gift”. When people use gifts as a way to manipulate someone to acknowledge them or to get anything in return, they are not gifts. At this point things were beginning to feel very strange and uncomfortable.

You share this information with your daughters, they get angry and are pitted against your son, and me as well, of course. Our nightmare Christmas last year all over again. More anxiety, more stress, more unhappiness. M is angry again.

Father’s Day comes. No gift or card for your son. Not even a phone call. Still nothing for his daughter. Now, we start using the words “unusual behavior”. The feeling of being harassed and inappropriately pursued is mounting and causing huge amounts of distress in our family. Meanwhile we have a little baby to take care of. Which, of course is not your concern. Getting me to acknowledge you is your only concern.

The following week G is exhausted and depressed and we are having discussions of my leaving and separating to get me away from you. He didn’t want to meet with his sisters because he knew he’d be ganged up on. He shares some of this with D. You call him, hyperventilating and asking information about his marriage. He tells you he doesn’t want to talk about it. You tell him, “YOU ARE LIKE TALKING TO A WALL”! You continue to demand to know why D said he was depressed but his blog said we were happy. And then? You hang up on him! He couldn’t believe it. He called you back twice because he thought the call must have been dropped. You didn’t answer. The blog was true we are happy and in love. Did you want me to add that his mother was currently making us miserable?

STILL he decided to meet with his sisters so they could meet our daughter. He did this despite the fact that he knew there would be a blow up about V not wanting a relationship with his mother. He requested I not be there. GJ cried and D got mad and went and sat in the car. They came here under the pretense of meeting with their brother and his daughter, but ended up merely doing your bidding. The way G was treated by his sisters that day, while he was with his new baby, has made me more upset than I have been in my life.

I feel very sad for my husband.

This all looks as if you don’t care how you make people feel as long as you get what you want. This obsession to make me speak to you is the only thing you care about. Not your son, not his baby and certainly not me. You don’t care that we have a newborn infant to take care of and enjoy, and you never cared that we were newly married and needed our space to establish our marriage and enjoy ourselves. There was and continues to be a lack of boundaries and respect. Every single person in our lives gave us this space and respect except you, M. Everyone is happy for us and has put the new couple above their own selfish needs. There are many, many people that were given less attention from us when we first fell in love and got married. It’s normal. We should not have been made to feel like assholes because of it. I’ve mentioned it to you before, but I could speak volumes about poor form and how your lack of manners has fallen well out of the realm of normalcy.

I’m not the type of person that can tolerate constant angry and controlling behavior. I can’t handle it, it stresses me out and causes me a great amount of anxiety. I prefer to enjoy my life rather than become angry myself and act out in mean and inappropriate ways. Doesn’t everyone? I’ve had very close relationships with my ex’s families. I still keep in touch with almost everyone and it’s very disappointing and shocking to me that this has turned out so badly.

M, I am requesting that you no longer make any contact with me whatsoever. We are asking that you no longer call our home. If you want to call your son, call him on his cell phone during the week. Also, he is going to turn his phone off while he’s at home or at least keep it on silent. We no longer want our home life disrupted. I’ve also agreed to this because, if you choose to upset him, I don’t want to see the pain in his face when he hangs up the phone. Please do not send me anything. If you send me anything in the mail it will be thrown away. You and your daughters will see our baby when you see G, and I suppose he will decide when and where. This is up to the four of you to work out.

I’m certain that you and G will be able to find a way to communicate again that will make you both happy.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

How do Narcissists use giving gifts in their quest for power?

A Narcissist will make strong attempts to control other’s views and behavior towards them. They also require excessive admiration and have an unusual sense of entitlement. A narcissist is envious of others but thinks others are envious of them. A Narcissist is famous for asking questions so they may use any information to find weakness or to use as gossip.

They will lie to their adult children and tell them that the act of giving is the only reward they seek. All the while they secretly yearn for reciprocity. They reject any attempts to rob them of their sacrificial status.

The Narcissist wants the receiver of their gift to think, “It means so much to them and they’ve put so much effort into it! I just couldn’t say no.” The narcissist yearns for the roles to be reversed and for the victim to fall into line. This way, everyone in the family can finally be happy. They will then stop demanding everyone feel sorry for them and angry at their victim.

As for their adult children whom they’ve turned into foot soldiers: Beware as they have been trained since childhood to be their enablers! They will call themselves, “close” or say they have a “special” bond with one another that no one else can understand.

Narcissists demand certain behavior from their adult children because they see their children as extensions of themselves. Narcissistic parents are intrusive and they punish their children if they do not meet their needs. Punishment includes anger, blame, and attempts to instill guilt, emotional withdrawal and criticism. They will “act mad” and/or use fear to demand love and attention. They’ll stop all communication, not return phone calls, etc. etc. Whatever the punishment, the purpose is to enforce compliance with the Narcissistic parent’s needs.

Narcissistic stalking: The
First Warning Signs

Unwanted contacts are the most common
elements of narcissistic stalking

– Guilt (“Why are you doing this to me, I just want
a relationship with you and I want to be close to
you? Why won’t you love me and let me love you?”)

– Using adult children or other family members
or friends to force victim
to fall in line

– Blackmail (attempts to turn husband/wife, friends and family
against victim)

– Unfounded accusations (“You are selfish and don’t care
about me.”)

-Many stalkers believe that they are the
“true victims” and that they have been
mistreated, ignored, misled, or abandoned

-Sense of entitlement (“you owe me…”)
Completely unable to cope with rejection

-Dependent on others (their adult children)
for sense of “self”

-Views his or her problems as the
victims fault

When behaviors are put together –
a pattern emerges
This pattern serves no other purpose
but to annoy, alarm, harass and
terrorize the victim

Manipulation

What the stalker lacks in social skills is
more than made up with their ability to
manipulate others

How to protect yourself from a narcissistic stalker

-It is important that the stalker read or
hear on one occasion that you want no
further contact

This is a letter from the second sister to her 38 year old brother. This email could land her in therapy for at least 10 years.  Her stand is that I must speak to her mother.  She even insists that I should fake it. In another email she said to me, “you are required to speak to my mother”. She also said, “because you married my brother, it is now your job to make nice with Mom, NO EXCUSES”. (exact quotes) Keep in mind, this is a grown woman speaking to another grown woman.

As I’m reading this email again, I have a smile on my face because it is just so unbelievable. The attempts at guilt and shaming is just unbelievably dysfunctional. You all must also understand that I cut off communication with the woman after speaking to her for months. She was insulting, controlling and just so abusive and intrusive. This is not the average strained mother-in-law situation. It isn’t workable – at all.

Narcissists cannot handle rejection or being ignored.  They have zero empathy and couldn’t care less how they make people feel as long as they get what they want. The respect that is mentioned in the email over and over means one thing – that I must submit and fall in line and do what their mother needs me to do to make her feel better about herself. What makes her feel better about herself is control. A narcissist feeds off of having power over other people. Especially her only sons wife.

His sister actually believes that my husband should “be a man” and make me speak to his abusive, insulting, intrusive mother. That he needs to “get his bitch in line”. I suppose they’d be ok if he beat me until I spoke to her? I mean what exactly do they think he can “do” to me?

The bottom line is that his sisters are emotionally crippled, babbling, child-like adult children of an alcoholic. And this email makes little to zero sense.

G

I am so disappointed in you right now.  I know for sure that I have never in my entire life been so disappointed, disgusted and absolutely angry with you.  Why haven’t you shared any good things about Mom with V?  Why does she only see the negatives?  Why haven’t you insisted that even if she doesn’t like your Mother she is still your Mother and she should at least fake it with her. We may not always get to choose who is in our family but we MUST always be respectful.  Especially of your Mother. Would you ever treat her Mother like she is treating your Mother?  She is ignoring Mom and Mom feels it.  You both have made your Mother cry and I totally blame you here. Man Up! Make a stand here. You are the man of this new family and your Mother is in your life whether you like it or not.  I’m not going to be the one to tell your Mother that your new wife doesn’t want her included in her life, in your life and not in the life of her new Grand daughter. This is disgusting. You can continue to be rude to your Mother, treat her unfairly or you can make a stand and insist that your wife treat your Mother with respect. They don’t have to be best friends but Jesus Christ, G, this is out of control. You have made your Mother cry and now today you have made me cry. I will not tolerate this total lack of respect for my Mother and you shouldn’t either. I love you very much but I am so angry with you right now I can hardly see through my tears.  I want to be included in your life and I want you included in mine but not at the expense of my Mother.  I love her very much and I’m hoping you can share some positive thoughts about Mom with your wife and hopefully she will at least give her a chance and treat her with the respect that every Mother has earned just by giving birth to our sorry asses.

Be the man I’ve always thought you were!

M,

I called you last weekend and told you the reason for my call was because G was unable to sleep after your daughters emailed that you were not doing well physically and emotionally. That you were having physical symptoms which manifest themselves when you become extremely nervous. G became concerned when he heard you were stuttering and breaking out in hives and that we had made you cry. I was taken aback to hear that these nervous symptoms were brought on by your suspicions of my being out to get you and your concern that G was in serious trouble. G felt much better after I called you and you sounded perfectly well, healthy and relaxed. We’re still not sure what “G is in trouble” means, but I can tell you a few things about my relationship with G which may help with any suspicions you have …

G and I have known each other since we were 22 years old. There were stretches over the past 17 years that we were out of touch. There were also many years we spent together getting to know each other. Our decision to get married and start a family so quickly was not an impulsive life decision. It was a move that two 40 year old, perfectly functioning adults made with absolute certainty. At the time we reconnected, we had both concluded we wouldn’t find the right person and never marry (or in his case marry again). I made it a point to make fun of friends with kids that couldn’t travel whenever they felt like it. We both wasted many years involved with the wrong people. We both have very strong values and goals regarding raising children. It was a priority to provide our children with loving, gentle, selfless parents. If I felt G would not have made a good father or if he did not express the desire to be fully involved in his children’s lives, I would not have married him and gotten pregnant. I suspect he feels the same way about me.

We’ve both made sacrifices to be together and start a family. I left San Francisco where I competed in equine sports and had my own business and moved to Campobello, South Carolina. He sold his motorcycle, I sold my horse. We had a dog and a cat. I’m allergic to the cat so he re-homed his cat and we kept our dog. We agreed straight away that I would stay home and raise our children until we felt it was the right time for me to go back to work. He has taken on the task of being the sole provider for our family and I have taken on the full time job of caring for our children with the love and support of their father. If we had the choice to change anything we have done in the past year, we wouldn’t change a thing. It could not have happened soon enough and we are very much in love and confidant with our decisions.

G has not spoken to my mother since she was here last June. I, on the other hand speak to my mother almost every day. If my mother were to call G several times a week when I wasn’t home, it would make G feel uncomfortable. I would immediately tell my mother, “please don’t call G when I’m not home and give him his space”. But what if my mother didn’t respect my request and continued calling? What if she became angry with him and told my family that he was disrespectful and rude and was ignoring him? What if this angered my sisters? It would be hurtful and put even more unnecessary stress on G. And then, what if my sisters demanded that I “be a woman (or woman up) and insist my husband respect and speak to our mother because she gave birth to me and because she is emotionally needy?” Wouldn’t this make it seem as though my mother and her daughters value control? Doesn’t this scenario seem to fall a bit out of the realm of normalcy for a newly married couple pushing 40 years old?

I agreed to speak to you for a few minutes once a week, however, upon further reflection, I’ve concluded that this is not the best choice for me during my last weeks of pregnancy and the several weeks following the baby’s arrival. This is simply because of the unhappiness, anger and stress your behavior caused everyone which all came to a head last week. Behavior which, in my opinion, has been invasive and selfish. Anger was expressed, V has cried, G has experienced sleepless nights and, let’s just say, D is less than happy with me. We are back to a peaceful existence here and would like to keep it that way as the baby’s arrival approaches. I am completely unwilling to take the chance of another painful episode happening for anyone before or after the birth of the baby. I’m still confused as to why you wished to speak to me so often – and for such long periods of time and what exactly you wanted from me. I don’t understand why it was necessary when you can speak to your son any time you desire to do so. I do not understand why you have been so unhappy and angry with me for the past several months.

Because we have all gotten off on the wrong foot, causing so much disruption, there are points I need to make perfectly clear. I married G. I did not marry you, nor did I marry any one G is related to. You do not owe me anything and I would never expect anything from you- I do not possess any sense of self-entitlement regarding your family. I do not owe you anything for giving birth to G or for taking care of him during different times of his life, etc., etc. It is the sole responsibility of G to keep in touch with and to arrange visits with his family. I know that he will do this because he has expressed to me his love for you, V and D so genuinely. And because of this last year being so trying for you, G and myself, I must also make these next points clear: First, because I haven’t any control over G, and because, as I mentioned, he has expressed love so absolute for his family, I would never have the power to force him to “disown” his family. If this was your fear, I would also like to tell you that I have no desire for him to disown his family.

We will have to revisit starting over and speaking to one another several weeks after the baby gets here. I will also not be reading or responding to any emails from you or your daughters at this time. For now, I’m going to focus on bringing our daughter in to a loving, emotionally healthy, tension and drama-free environment. When the time is right, it is my deepest desire for us to work well together so that our daughter can joyfully receive the love from her father’s family that you all are so willing and able to give her. Provided we can come to an agreement regarding an appropriate level of privacy that is best for our family, and that healthy boundaries are set in place for the baby, you will have the opportunity to establish a bond with your granddaughter. The healthy and loving bond she deserves with you, her grandmother.

After I sent this email she called her son and told him that I lacked common decency. Another true story, my friends.

They are emotional slobs. Dumping their shit anywhere and on anybody without a second thought. Without thinking about how it will affect other people’s lives. The emails I rec’d from them are a psychologist’s wet dream. They could write essays about the way his mother thinks and lives and sucks off of other people emotionally and financially. His mother is repulsive.

Here is just a quick sample. After we rec’d hundreds of calls from his mother his sisters got involved. Told us she was crying every day, convinced I was out to get her and that she believed her son was in “trouble”. (these are exact quotes) Keep in mind his mother was calling, on average, every other day. Sometimes it was more than once a day. She was talking to her son EVERY SINGLE time she called! If he missed a call he would call her right back. Her behavior became increasingly bizarre. When she had him on the phone, she only wanted to talk about me, my family and what I did that day. Nothing about her son. She was doing this to gather information like a good little narcissist. He became vague about me at which time she started having “spells” and became obsessed with my life and very very angry that I would no longer get on the phone with her. Spells – panic attacks, nervous stuttering, hives, hysterical crying. Because she was losing control of her 38 year old adult son … because she couldn’t control me.

After a year of this bullshit, I’d had it, so wrote the following email:

D

Please consider my point of view: Your mother does not respect boundaries, and the drama that ensues within her family because of her selfish and disrespectful behavior is ridiculous. This is ridiculous. I wish someone would tell your mother that everything is not about her. My email was not directed solely at you, it was meant to deflect some of your mothers invasive ways and try to arrange a meeting on my own terms – where we could meet, have lunch, and go home. I really don’t want to spend a week with your mother – sorry! Not after some of the conversations that we’ve had, she wants to gossip about all her family members as a hobby, I do not. These are not conversations I wish to be involved in because they make me feel terribly uncomfortable. I’m not accustomed to being backed into a corner, made to feel that I have to speak to someone so judgmental, negative, gossipy and insulting several times a week while my husband is at work. Yes, she has called the house several times a week to speak to me while G was at work. I “do not go to the phone” because it’s odd to regularly be asked to come to the phone. …I want to enjoy life with George and our baby on the way.

To quote you (from memory) “my mother is so full of shit. No wonder I don’t tell her anything. I can’t believe she is telling you things about my sister’s life”. The key here is, “NO WONDER I DON’T TELL HER ANYTHING”. D, why dance around the truth – it’s your mother!!! Another quote from you, “now you know what it feels like to be stalked and to have no private life, but it’s best if your wife just talks to her”. I am newly married and pregnant for the first time, so perhaps it would be best for her to give me some breathing room and some space. It’s not ok for her to throw a tantrum because we will not answer all of her questions – then call her daughters and get them involved. Did you take into consideration that maybe I’ve never had to deal with a sober alcoholic who has chosen to act out constantly in lieu of working a recovery program? Which, of course, is none of my business, unless she’s the grandmother of my child and expects to be a part of our life.

I’ve chosen to be private about my life when it comes to your mother – because of your mother. And, I don’t like to air out my “M issues” with you, but I suppose she has your ear.

Your mother is making it impossible to have a relationship with either of you.

You are not losing G. Why can’t you guys just call him and say hello? Why have you only called him when your mom complains about not getting enough attention? There is nothing going on here, trust me. We are really happy and experiencing the best time of our lives. I’m sorry if that is not juicy enough gossip and drama. I’m sorry if my emails about how happy we are are with updates about the pregnancy are not enough. I’m really sorry any attempts at avoiding drama have only caused drama. Just to let you know …. your mother will make drama out of ANYTHING. If it wasn’t because I have not met her yet, it would only be something else.

Honestly, all I’ve wanted since I got pregnant from your mother is to be left alone. Demanding my attention by, as you say, “stalking” me and acting like an insecure child has left me stressed and disappointed more days than I’d like to admit. I do have compassion for her as she is my daughter’s grandmother and I have thought so much about this over the last several months (instead of thoroughly enjoying being a newlywed and new mom). I can only take on so much at one time. G and I live a very quiet and private life and we’re trying to figure out how to deal with his mother together and trying to figure out how to incorporate her into the baby’s life in a way that is best for the little one and drama free. At this point, I’m not convinced it’s possible.

To which the loser replied:

G – WITH GREAT DIFFICULTY I AM HOLDING MY TONGUE AND NOT RESPONDING TO YOUR WIFE’S HATEFUL, VILE EMAILS. YOU BETTER GET HER OFF THAT COMPUTER THOUGH OR I’M COMING TO MOTHER FUCKING SOUTH CAROLINA AND PUTTING AN END TO THIS SHIT IN PERSON. AM I MAKING MYSELF CLEAR. CONTROL YOUR BITCH, NOW!!!!!!!!!!

Yes, this is a true story, people. Meet the fucking crazies. I will post more of their ridiculous emails later. The dysfunction and ignorance is entertaining to all of my friends and family. I suppose I would think it was too, if it weren’t my life.

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